Why Bother?

I want to know something, something that has really been perturbing me in the last few weeks:

Why, Oh why, do companies even bother putting job postings up on the internet? It really appears to me that they do it simply as a false face and a box to check off, and then hire Denny from accountings nephew instead. Never mind that Denny's nephew has no experience, no mortgage, or is even as close to as ruggedly good looking as i am, no, that doesn't matter.

So, as you can tell, I'm getting tired of applying for 10 or 12 jobs a week, visiting offices and shilling resumes. If anyone wants to send unmarked bags filled with non-continuous twenties, feel free.

(kidding.)

(well....)

In the midst of all of this, i have recently taken to simply walking into offices and firms and trying to talk to someone about any possibilities there. This, oddly enough, is really quite difficult for me. Which, as i'm experiencing anxiety sitting in my car in some parking lot, preparing myself to cruise through another glass exterior door, i'm really quite surprised. I pride myself on being able to generally talk (and communicate, even, which can be quite a different thing than just talking) to anybody, and within minutes have them telling me their deepest darkest secrets.

So why do i have to sincerely force my legs to take me across another office threshold? Is it that i feel like all i do is constantly ask other people and organizations for help and a chance, that i feel slightly inadequate in the real world due to the lack of truly applicable experience i received in the air force, or that as each day goes by without another serious lead i my hope slowly bubbles down? ....

oh. Right.

BUT, as most things that i have ascertained to be struggles in my life, God is above me laughing. No, not the deprecating laughter some might be thinking of, but more like he's chuckling to himself that this kid who he's shown so much through much worse (really, much much worse) is on the edge of freaking out because of my big scary unknown future. And that's why i sat down with the daily office yesterday and read this out of Psalm 119 -

49Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. 50This is my comfort in my distress, that your promise gives me life.

And suddenly i am reminded that i have a faith in a God big enough to give me hope even when i don't know what is going on -- because he's much smarter, larger, and omnipotent-y than i am. And if i truly believe that he has my best interests at heart, then i really have nothing to fear.

Now, i'm off to apply to more jobs before this sense of calm evaporates. Happy Thursday, all.