Monday, February 22, 2010
Time Capsule Finds
I was doing some long-needed housecleaning on some of the (nearly decade) old folders on the house-pc, and came across an old gem that I can't help but share here now.
When I was in college, I was forced to take 4 semesters of Calculus that in reality took my 5 semesters. (I'm very talented.) For the final class, I was lucky enough to choose a section that was taught by a well-intentioned TA who was born in China and was getting his graduate degree at the same fine institution that I was. He was fairly brash, kinda cocky, didn't have a complete grasp on the english language and not terrible empathetic to the confusion he often gave myself and my peers...
But I realized early on in the class that I needed to be taking notes. That is, on the absolutely bizarre turns of phrases that he employed - not on the math. So, I began scribbling down each of his wonderfully strange euphemisms known only to him in each class, and (lucky for you!) I came across that document again yesterday. So, for your edification, below are the following phrases that you should attempt to work into a lecture if you are ever teaching a higher education math class. YOU'RE WELCOME.
Words of Wisdom from Mr. Lim 1/6/03 – 4/25/03
I’m not mentioning this because it’s a flower on the side of the road that I stopped to pick up; I need this.
Im not going to sell you kung-pao chicken
Let me give you a cookie about this thing here
Hit me with the Digits
If it sits like a monkey, if it jumps like a monkey, then it has a hat. If it has a hat….
This is the part where you add the special ingredient! Where do you put the spices to add to the chicken?
Mathematics is not like history
Here is the chicken. Here is the recipe. Cook the chicken
You get this, you get this, you get your ABC, which your momma says you need
We are all 18 here, so it’s ok, eh? XXX?
Sometimes you use a little hammer, cuz you don’t want to be a plumber dragging a big hammer in
Paste it here, hit enter and go to sleep
Because it’s so important, lets take a moment and do some reflection
Distribute by the almighty laws of algebra
If k=0, then your stupid
BORING
Some guy on Jeopardy recited the first 100 numbers of Pi. Don’t try it in a bar, it’s not going to get you anything.
Eventually?……. ITS PARTY TIME!
It’s about time you got a 5 megabyte upgrade, eh?
This is a calculus course. What else do you when everything fails? DIFFERENTIATE
Not only will you get a 4.0, but I will get down on my knees and pray to you
It comes with the job. How can you expect Mike Tyson to be normal?
This seems like cosmetic changes. Put a little eyeshadow here and that’s all you do
Since you guys are not going to learn Chinese, you’re pretty much stuck
Algebra is mesmerizing. Keep saying x+y=1 to your date, and maybe you’ll get lucky. Cept it doesn’t work.
Then I just smoke a joint
Chia: Suppose I stretch this from Ann Arbor to Hell
Me: Short trip.
As Jerry Springer would tell you, you gotta keep it real
Obviously I could just be sitting under a coconut tree sucking on a margarita and just say that solving these gives me a lot of pleasure.
If students ever ask you a question you don’t know the answer to, just tell them it wont be on the exam
There’s only so much I can shovel. At some point you have to chew.
He’s telling the truth…. He’s not telling the truth…. He still loves me.
You get it, up close and personal
And that’s why math is odd
It’s so periodic it has no pulse. A dead man is always dead.
No amount of rock is enough to fill this infinity here
This has an ok stamp on it. This has a not-ok stamp.
You can eat the chicken sandwich with the soup, you can eat the soup without the chicken sandwich. You just have to be more careful
No pulse, no pulse…. We got a breather
Inspected by me, of course
Unless you just want me to nyadeeladeedadeedah…. I can do that all day, too.
When I give you grade, I want to be able to sleep at nite. At least, without ‘drinky drinky motion’
If you don’t have logic, there is no point in mathematics. You might as well sit under a tree and chit-chat
There are no shotguns here
Mathematics is such a religious experience. Do you believe?
When I was in college, I was forced to take 4 semesters of Calculus that in reality took my 5 semesters. (I'm very talented.) For the final class, I was lucky enough to choose a section that was taught by a well-intentioned TA who was born in China and was getting his graduate degree at the same fine institution that I was. He was fairly brash, kinda cocky, didn't have a complete grasp on the english language and not terrible empathetic to the confusion he often gave myself and my peers...
But I realized early on in the class that I needed to be taking notes. That is, on the absolutely bizarre turns of phrases that he employed - not on the math. So, I began scribbling down each of his wonderfully strange euphemisms known only to him in each class, and (lucky for you!) I came across that document again yesterday. So, for your edification, below are the following phrases that you should attempt to work into a lecture if you are ever teaching a higher education math class. YOU'RE WELCOME.
Words of Wisdom from Mr. Lim 1/6/03 – 4/25/03
I’m not mentioning this because it’s a flower on the side of the road that I stopped to pick up; I need this.
Im not going to sell you kung-pao chicken
Let me give you a cookie about this thing here
Hit me with the Digits
If it sits like a monkey, if it jumps like a monkey, then it has a hat. If it has a hat….
This is the part where you add the special ingredient! Where do you put the spices to add to the chicken?
Mathematics is not like history
Here is the chicken. Here is the recipe. Cook the chicken
You get this, you get this, you get your ABC, which your momma says you need
We are all 18 here, so it’s ok, eh? XXX?
Sometimes you use a little hammer, cuz you don’t want to be a plumber dragging a big hammer in
Paste it here, hit enter and go to sleep
Because it’s so important, lets take a moment and do some reflection
Distribute by the almighty laws of algebra
If k=0, then your stupid
BORING
Some guy on Jeopardy recited the first 100 numbers of Pi. Don’t try it in a bar, it’s not going to get you anything.
Eventually?……. ITS PARTY TIME!
It’s about time you got a 5 megabyte upgrade, eh?
This is a calculus course. What else do you when everything fails? DIFFERENTIATE
Not only will you get a 4.0, but I will get down on my knees and pray to you
It comes with the job. How can you expect Mike Tyson to be normal?
This seems like cosmetic changes. Put a little eyeshadow here and that’s all you do
Since you guys are not going to learn Chinese, you’re pretty much stuck
Algebra is mesmerizing. Keep saying x+y=1 to your date, and maybe you’ll get lucky. Cept it doesn’t work.
Then I just smoke a joint
Chia: Suppose I stretch this from Ann Arbor to Hell
Me: Short trip.
As Jerry Springer would tell you, you gotta keep it real
Obviously I could just be sitting under a coconut tree sucking on a margarita and just say that solving these gives me a lot of pleasure.
If students ever ask you a question you don’t know the answer to, just tell them it wont be on the exam
There’s only so much I can shovel. At some point you have to chew.
He’s telling the truth…. He’s not telling the truth…. He still loves me.
You get it, up close and personal
And that’s why math is odd
It’s so periodic it has no pulse. A dead man is always dead.
No amount of rock is enough to fill this infinity here
This has an ok stamp on it. This has a not-ok stamp.
You can eat the chicken sandwich with the soup, you can eat the soup without the chicken sandwich. You just have to be more careful
No pulse, no pulse…. We got a breather
Inspected by me, of course
Unless you just want me to nyadeeladeedadeedah…. I can do that all day, too.
When I give you grade, I want to be able to sleep at nite. At least, without ‘drinky drinky motion’
If you don’t have logic, there is no point in mathematics. You might as well sit under a tree and chit-chat
There are no shotguns here
Mathematics is such a religious experience. Do you believe?
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6 comments:
"Sometimes you use a little hammer, cuz you don’t want to be a plumber dragging a big hammer in."
And they don't teach tool shop classes in China either.
holy sh*t, i'm dying over here. HAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAAH!
My dean and boss (who held PhDs in math and physics) once told me in his German accent. "Math is obsolete. You have to focus on the important things, then you will be very rich."
If this was any indication of his math skills, god bless you. But that is freakin' hilarious.
I want to take math from this man!
So, did he pray to your or NOT Dougie? (My favorite, by far, is the Monkey/Hat one.)
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